


and the stars look very different today

by amosanguis



Series: Episode & Movie Tags/AUs [53]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alien Prince Shane Madej, Alien Royalty, Alien Shane Madej, Brief Graphic Violence, Gen, Hand Jobs, M/M, Original Language, Royalty, demons are aliens and also a delicacy on saturn, short scenes, title from a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2020-10-25 00:56:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20715425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amosanguis/pseuds/amosanguis
Summary: Humans are small and adorable and Shane loves them.Second chapter is an expansion on the original drabble.





	1. yuir (1)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Space Oddity" by David Bowie

Humans are small and adorable and Shane loves them.

Chicago, where the skyline so closely resembles what Shane had to leave behind.

It makes his hearts ache – so he leaves the city for another, and finds himself in LA.

When they first meet – Ryan looks up and up and up at Shane before squinting his eyes and asking, “How are you so freakishly tall?”

Shane says, “I’m actually quite small for my species.”

“Oh,” Ryan asks, quirking an eyebrow, “and what species is that? Sasquatch?”

Shane holds out his hand for Ryan to shake, says, “Close enough. My name’s Shane.”


	2. tsor (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You and you’re sasquatch strength.”
> 
> Shane smirks, says, “Not a sasquatch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter uses an original language created at [VulgarLang](https://www.vulgarlang.com/generator/). It also contains two instances of brief graphic violence.
> 
> **Glossary**  
_Ri Yôw-Yoihaie Uch Ats_: The High Holy Prince Ats; Shane's real name is 'Ats' as it also means 'gift'  
_hakê_: devil  
_kots_: fuck
> 
> This has only been given a cursory edit, please forgive any mistakes.

-z-

Chicago, where the skyline so closely resembles what he’d had to leave behind. It makes his chest ache – so he leaves one city for another, one that doesn’t break his hearts whenever he looks out the window, and finds himself in LA thinking he could finally settle here. It’s a new city on a new planet under a new name.

And _Ri Yôw-Yoihaie Uch Ats_ becomes simply _Shane_.

-

“When can I go home?” Shane asks his caseworker.

“Apologies, your majesty,” the caseworker says, eyes tired and shoulders tense, wearing the look of the truly exhausted and underpaid, “but these things take time. Rest assured that we will do everything we can to make your stay here as pleasant as we can.”

Shane looks down at the paperwork in his hands – the bare bones of his new identity, pamphlets on the dos and don’ts of human culture, and suggestions for local universities with programs he may be interested in. He sighs and decides to make the most of his time here – after all, insurrections were notoriously difficult to put down.

-

When they first meet – Ryan looks up and up and up at Shane before squinting his eyes and asking, “How are you so freakishly tall?”

Shane says, “I’m actually quite small for my species.”

“Oh,” Ryan asks, quirking an eyebrow, “and what species is that? Sasquatch or something?”

Shane holds out his hand for Ryan to shake, says, “Or something. My name’s Shane.”

-

“If you’re ready, sir,” the caseworker says, “we have an opening on the next flight out to Saturn. Your mothers and sisters say you may return whenever you are ready.”

Shane looks across the breakroom, where Ryan is glaring at the microwave, and says, “Tell them it may be a while. These things take time, I’ve been told.” Then he’s hanging up and putting his phone in his pocket and he’s calling out to Ryan, “Tell me again about this show you’ve got? You said you need a new co-host?”

Humans are small and adorable and Shane loves them. Ryan, especially. Ryan’s at the top of the list of Shane’s favorite humans. Filming the show with Ryan is as much fun as Shane thought it’d be.

Ryan is a breath of fresh air, all endearing innocence and exuberant energy.

Even when he’s unnecessarily scared, Shane can’t find it in himself to be annoyed. Instead, he finds himself stepping in closer and offering support.

What Ryan thinks are demons, are in actuality, intergalactic parasites called _hakê_ in the language of Saturn. They can shift their forms, feeding on fear and attention, and, most notable, have a very memorable scent – they smell just like sulfur.

They’re a delicacy on Saturn.

At the Sally house, Shane growls and throws his taunts, daring the resident _hakê_ to come in close, to attack him. But it recognizes Shane and keeps itself hidden – knowing that it was no longer the most dangerous thing in this room.

But Ryan is terrified, and his fear is an enticing enough meal that the _hakê_ decides to take the risk. It slithers out from the shadows and plays with the flashlights – all the while keeping an eye on Shane.

Shane pretends not to notice it.

He keeps pretending as Ryan subconsciously closes the distance between them – the animal part of Ryan’s brain recognizing that right next to Shane was where he’d be safest.

He keeps pretending as he throws himself down on the pentagram.

He keeps pretending as they settle onto their sleeping bags and then on through counting down Ryan’s time left in the house.

He _stops_ pretending after they’ve loaded the car and “realizes” that he’s “forgotten” his phone by the couch. Ryan asks if Shane wants him to come with him and Shane just gives him a soft look, because, honestly, bless this boy.

“I got it, Ry,” Shane says, then he turns away and half-jogs back into the house for his late-night snack.

The _hakê _tries to hide, but Shane sniffs it out easily enough and relishes in its screams as he swallows it whole, the thing’s claws scraping uselessly against Shane’s insides, making Shane shudder.

He’s never had live _hakê_ before – they’ve always been served up to him filleted and spiced by Saturn’s best chefs – and, comparing the two experiences, as the _hakê _in his gut slowly becomes still, Shane licks his lips. Live. He thinks he prefers them live.

When he gets back out to the car, Shane brandishes his phone and says, “It was in my back pocket the whole time, whoops,” and laughs at the look Ryan shoots him.

“You’re a freak,” Ryan says, getting into the car.

Shane grins, feeling warm and tingly and forgiving.

Shane stuffs himself on _hakê_ to the point it’s obscene – making the most out of Ryan’s one-demon-a-season policy. The thing is this: _hakê _were plentiful here on Earth, hell, even in just LA, Shane could find one without looking very far past his front door.

So, Shane feasts like the king he’ll become in a century or so, learning to take his time with his prey and how to hunt them unseen to the eyes of humans. And while he does prefer eating them alive, whenever a bout of homesickness hits, he experiments with trying to prepare them the way the royal chefs had. Through some trial and a lot of error, he gets it as close as he can with the spices he has available.

But the _hakê_ aren’t Shane’s only reason for not returning to Saturn right away.

Shane leans over Ryan where Ryan’s leaning against the counter of Shane’s kitchen, fresh home from their hunt for Bigfoot, and they’re so close and neither of them is backing away, laughing this off.

Then Ryan’s hand is on Shane’s waist, fisting the fabric, and Shane closes the distance between them. It’s not gentle – they kiss like they argue, rapid-fire and harsh words that would cut deep but for the genuine affection in their undertone.

The scent of the forest still clings to the both of them and Shane licks the taste of it from Ryan’s skin.

Ryan reaches between them and cups Shane through his jeans, squeezing him.

Shane growls, before he’s scooping Ryan up and placing him on the counter before fisting a hand in Ryan’s hair and pulling his head back to get access to Ryan’s neck.

“_Fuck_, Shane,” Ryan gasps. “You and you’re sasquatch strength.”

Shane smirks, biting at Ryan as he says, “Not a sasquatch.”

“Right,” Ryan says, taking his turn to pull Shane’s hair to get Shane off his neck and look him in the eyes, juxtaposing pulling Shane away while also wrapped his legs (tightly) around Shane’s waist. “‘Or something’. That’s what you said when we first met.”

Shane shivers, ducking his head slightly, testing Ryan’s grip – which tightens on his hair, holding Shane steady. There’s something in Ryan’s eyes, something not quite knowing but still suspecting; waiting to see how Shane responds, but looking willing to accept whatever answer he gets.

Humans. So adaptable.

“Does it matter?” Shane asks, rubbing his hands up Ryan’s back, down his sides, along the waistband of his stupidly flimsy basketball shorts. “Really? Does it matter? I’m still me.”

“If I asked you, would you tell me?” Ryan asks.

And this, the answer to this question, Shane can see, is an important one and Shane gives the question its due and takes a moment to think about it. Then, he leans forward, presses an almost chaste kiss to Ryan’s lips and gives his answer.

“Yes,” Shane says, “but I’d ask you not to.”

Ryan breathes out and then he nods and then they’re right back to kissing. Ryan pushes back against him, making Shane hold him down, pinning his wrists above his head and earning an enthusiastic moan.

Then Shane is taking Ryan in hand, pumping him until Ryan is writhing and gasping, sweating, swearing – Shane takes him right up to the edge, then he drops Ryan’s hands and bends over and takes Ryan in his mouth. It’s an awkward position, but it’s not something Ryan expected him to do if the strangled version of Shane’s name coming out of his mouth is any indication – and, with a few more pumps and twists of Shane’s wrist, Ryan is spilling down his throat and Shane swallows it all down.

Ryan pulls him up and kisses him, breathless and sloppy, and reaches between them and once more palms Shane. Then he pulls Shane out and jerks him slow, Shane thrusting into Ryan’s hand in time with Ryan’s movements.

“_Kots_,” Shane curses as he buries his face in Ryan’s neck. Then he’s coming over Ryan’s hand, growling Ryan’s name.

-

His caseworker purses his lips and looks away.

“Humans,” he says, “don’t appreciate being lied to.”

Shane bristles. “It’s not a lie if it’s acknowledged.”

“Will you tell him?”

“What business is it of yours?” Shane snarls. “You forget who you’re talking to.”

His caseworker inclines his head and in a small voice, says, “Forgive me, highness, but there is a protocol—”

“You can take your protocol and shove it up your ass,” Shane says, standing abruptly and turning away.

“Sir,” the caseworker calls out, “if you wish to remain on our planet, we have to ask you to abide—”

Shane doesn’t listen to the rest.

-

Ryan brings up aliens during an episode and Shane winks at the camera.

There’s a _hakê_ living in Ryan’s apartment and Shane is beyond furious as soon as he scents it.

“Ryan,” Shane says, his voice hard as his eyes glance around the place, seeking, “I want you to ask me what I am.”

Ryan blinks up at him. They’ve danced around the issue for months now and so Shane can understand why Ryan is confused about him bringing it up. He looks down at Ryan.

“Ask me,” he orders.

“Shane, what are you?” Ryan asks, hesitant and stuttering.

Shane turns back to face the rest of the room and begins stalking through it, nostrils flaring.

“I am _Ri Yôw-Yoihaie Uch Ats_ of the planet you call Saturn,” Shane says, then his ears twitch at the sound of scuttling and then, quick as a flash of lightning, he falls to knees and with one hand throws aside Ryan’s couch – batting it out of the way as easily as if it were made of cardboard – before his other snatches the _hakê_ before it could escape.

In his hands, the _hakê_ corporealizes – it screams as Shane’s grip tightens, not allowing it to escape as its moist body wriggles desperately, its eight skinny and multi-clawed legs waving in the air seeking purchase on Shane’s skin.

“And these,” Shane continues, brandishing the creature as he stands, “are _hakê_ – these creatures are your demons.” Shane brings up his other hand and, with a quick motion, snaps the creature’s spine.

Ryan’s freak out lasts the rest of the night and he protests Shane’s use of his kitchen to cook the _hakê_. And just when Shane thinks he’s got Ryan calmed down, Ryan asks what _Ri Yôw-Yoihaie Uch Ats_ meant – Shane has to explain that he’s not just an alien, but he’s a _royal_ one – and then Ryan is off again.

Shane, much to Ryan’s annoyance, thinks it’s adorable.

“They’ll probably kick me off the planet for telling you,” Shane says, his eyes closed as Ryan runs his fingers through his hair.

“Do humans do well on Saturn?” Ryan asks.

Shane’s eyes snap open and he looks up at Ryan.

-

The caseworker glances between Shane and Ryan and looks two seconds away from handing in his resignation.

“There will be repercussions,” the caseworker says, “royalty or not.”

“Don’t worry,” Shane says. “Call the queen. Tell her I’m ready to come home and that I’m bringing a friend.”

-z-

End


End file.
